This month while dining at Macaluso’s (that wonderful Italian eatery on 17th and Alton in South Beach near the fabulous Patio Florist – ask Maria for some of her flower specials – she’s a doll!) we read some letters that were sent into the publisher for this column and am posting both my (and my wicked tablemates!) responses. Our letter comes from Taiesha who is a legal assistant in Pompano.

Taeisha explains, "I've become really close friends with this guy I work with. Unfortunately, our friendship started when he needed someone to talk to about his ongoing divorce, and the fact that his "wife" just had a child and says that it is his. His wife is a little messed up in her head, and she's done some pretty awful things to him. The more I've talked to this guy, the closer we've become. We now talk every night for hours. He's hinted that he has feelings for me, and I feel the same way, but neither of us has come out and said anything, for obvious reasons. But the tension and suspense is killing me. Is there anything I can do? Right now, he's not available and vulnerable, so I'm afraid to start anything. What should I do? I have the feeling that he could be The One."

Of course Shontessa was on hand (the drinks were paid for…) to offer her commentary, "Don't be a ditz! Don't be the transitional girl either. You are having a hard time of this or you wouldn’t be writing. Take a giant leap backwards. Get a grip. Stop talking for hours at a time with him. Don't enter into something you already know is a bad idea. Listen to your conscience; it’s talking to you. Hear it? It is saying wrong, wrong, wrong ... don't go there.

Marisa, who is usually more pragmatic (and practical) offered up "There are always two sides to a

story. Maybe you should check the other side. She may not be as bad as he says she is. People (men and women alike) tend to tell stories that make themselves look like the innocent while they tell all the bad things about the other person involved. There must be something good about this woman if he married her in the first place. At least give her the respect she deserves and stop putting all the blame on her. My bet is they BOTH contributed to the divorce.

Let’s take this thing from the top. Sometimes we meet men who are single, uncomplicated, emotionally available and ready to settle down. Other times we meet car crashes: guys with so many added clauses and open wounds you need to be doctor, lawyer, psychologist and saint to deal with their woes. Your problem is less about a man in trouble and more about your desire to bail him out. We read everyday about nice middle-class girls who fall in love with convicted felons and conduct their loving through the bars. A less extreme version of this salvation seduction are women who live so deeply in denial that they can rationalize "waiting" for a married man for decades on end. Perfectly gorgeous successful women have been willing to live like this. Katherine Hepburn was one. But scrape away the drama, the courtship and the sense of quest and you’re left with masochistic pain and very quiet weekends alone.

Remember that all you have is a daily earful of his side of the story and a hunch about his feelings for you. Big whoop. You claim the suspense and tension is killing you, but what rosy outcome awaits you if this guy dumps his wife and child and moves in with you tomorrow? If he blames his present partner for everything, what's stopping him from making you his next target?

This man needs to be less of a weakling, and you need to be less of an ambulance chaser. Divorce is expensive and (often) drawn out. Men who divorce needs years, not months, to recover. And don’t forget the other complications: alimony, custody struggles, weird late-night calls and bricks hurled by avenging ex-wives. To build a mutually respectful bond will take lots of strength and patience. But ask yourself truly, are you attracted to the drama or the man? Would this flirtation be so compelling stripped of complication?

Since nobody’s been scorched yet, you have time to take a damn good look before you leap. Rent a French movie (violins optional) at this stage and call it a narrow escape or plod on to the front. I know what I'd do.

P.S. Readers who responded to this dilemma weighed in with a resounding GETOUTTAHEAYAH. With the exception of the Anna Nichole Smith-style letter that suggested squeezing "gifts and sex" out of the situation, most of you said back off — or at least back down. My favorite reply was from the sensible person (I'll bet she's a woman) who said, "Run far ... very, very far ... He needs to learn to be on his own before he can commit to someone else." Also poignant was the reader who asked if you were seeking validation for a relationship that is so clearly (at this moment of time and space) wrong.

Please feel grateful for all of the time these people spent writing about your problem. Now try and think about how YOU are going to spend all that extra emotional energy once his whining calls stop. Get a puppy from the pound if you really need to give, give, give. At least that’s a mess you can clean up.